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Had my first appointment with a psychologist today. Being the first time I saw her we didn’t really talk about much more than my life history. But the advice that she did give me seemed to hit a nerve. I’ve paraphrased what she said below.
When your trying to make yourself do something you don’t want to do, you’re going to feel
You have to keep fighting those feelings. You aren’t going to feel motivated. You’ll have zero motivation. You have to tell yourself that you’ve made a commitment to doing this and that you’ll see it through.
It’s going to be harder for you, so you’re going to have to work harder- but when you succeed it’s going to really be an achievement, and really mean something.
It would be nice if we could go through life without those feelings (anger/frustration), but life isn’t like that.
Shortly after this she wrote “Life is suffering” on her whiteboard.
I’ve seen a few counsellors before, and the advice they’ve always given me- has always made sense, but hasn’t really made an impact. There’s never been any light bulb moment, where I have some sort of major realisation. But this time it felt like there was.
I think it was two things. First that she acknowledged just how angry and frustrated I do feel whenever I try to force myself to stay on task. And second that you don’t need to be feeling motivated in order to get things done.
I got up round 10 ish, and since then apart from cooking myself lunch I have done absolutely nothing. Half an hour ago the urge to pop a dex pill was almost overwhelming. Not because I’m physically addicted, but more so because I wanted to get stuff done.
I’m currently building a neurofeedback device, and I’m up to the stage where I have an initial circuit that I want to build, and I should be prototyping it on a breadboard, but I seem to be stuck in an apathetic state of surfing the internet, listening to music & basically doing bugger all.
The fact that I’m going climbing today at 6, seems to stop me from getting started, knowing that i’ll soon have to stop, and probably won’t get much done before then. But wasting an entire day is just plain bad!
But on the positive side, I am into day 3 of my 30 day climbing challenge. With the aim of climbing every day for a month. Aiming to do 4/5 days at the Burnley bouldering wall, and 2/3 days at hard rock in the city.
The Burnley bouldering wall is fantastic! Its free, open to the public, located under a bridge and maintained by the Victorian climbing club. I find it a lot more challenging then rock climbing, and there’s also more fear involved as well when you start to approach the top of the wall, It feels like a long drop to the bottom (even though it isn’t really). The people there are really friendly and have no problems giving pointers to newbies, plus its fun to watch people who know what they’re doing.
The Burnley Climbing wall (# 3/3)